The illusion of 'the malleability of life'. Why the theory 'that life is a choice' is far too unnuanced. The lack of awareness that we as human beings are completely controlled by our coincidental emotional state and character (what happens to be in our biological DNA) which benefits or disadvantages us.

It is a standard cliché that gets propagated: that life depends on your own attitude, behaviour and choices. That's how most people view it: that life is makeable and we have freedom of choice.

Especially since 'The Law of Attraction' has become a hype, you see spiritual leaders (and celebrities) propagate this idea. This (LOA-)theory proclaims that you can achieve anything by believing in it, which also essentially means that you can overcome pain and obstacles, by thinking differently.

It are all beautiful positive theories that sound inspiring and hopeful, but the truth is a lot more nuanced.

It underestimates how much we humans are driven/controlled (and therefore also are benefited or disadvantaged!) by what happens to be our mental/emotional state, what character we have by nature, and by other (internal and external) factors that can influence the chances (and quality) of someone's life.

The argument 'You are completely free to choose whatever you want and have any attitude, so life IS in your own hands' but by that you forget that this is always inevitably influenced by what your mental state is and what your character happens to be by nature. This influences what you are (or aren't) capable of.

And that's the crux: this is biologically different for every person to begin with. Not only are people unequally affected by external circumstances, but also by what happens to be in your biological DNA.

There is no choice for this but meanwhile it does influence our chances in (and quality of) life. Which means that people do not have the same opportunities at all.

So it is a bit more nuanced than 'it's all a choice'. By thinking (so easily) of this, you actually underestimate (and even unintentionally trivialize) factors people can't choose for, but that do influence their luck in life.

We think we create everything ourselves, but in reality we as humans are completely guided/controlled by biological processes in our brains. We don't do things out of 'own considerations' but because we have a natural urge to do so.

So your luck in life also depends on what happens to be in your DNA. For example, if you experience a lot of joy in life from nature (and you have a responsible and confident character without dealing with mental problems) then you will have an easier, happier (and more promising) life than people who are mentally unstable/depressed (or who lack responsibility) from nature.

People who make something of (and are happy in) life always act as if 'they thank this to own constructive choices or positive attitude' while it is actually the other way around! The real truth is they had the privilege of feeling peaceful (or at least mentally stable...) which made them automatically able to/capable of it.

That's the real reason why some live a pleasant life and others don't!

And people who are dominated by negative or self-destructive behavior, their lives seem to be shaped by their 'own wrong attitude' but who doesn't say they justexperienced a way intenser gradation of suffering and mental issues? Happy people often just had the prvilege that they do not experience the pain or obstacles that some experience. (Or at least not in the same horrendous intensity or long-lasting term.)

Not everyone has this privilege of having this in your DNA/character from nature.

And so it is very easy to say 'that it is a matter of one's own choice' (to live a happy life with constructive choices) since factors (which are not the same for everyone) can be enormously decisive in this.

It has nothing to do with unwillingness, but with whether or not you mentally feel capable of it.

Compulsiveness is almost exclusively associated with negative compulsions (severe OCD neuroses like compulsive cleaning) but everything we feel, think and do has a form of compulsiveness in it.

In fact: actually even when something is a normal (or positive) tendency, even then it still happens because you have an automatic tendency/urge/predominant feelings towards it.

That we supposedly 'steer' this ourselves is nothing but an illusion. It's a biological process in our brains.

You choose a job because you are passionate about it. You choose a partner because you have feelings for them. You have certain beliefs because it comes naturally. You are happy because you feel happy.

And this applies to all feelings, emotions, thoughts, tendencies and actions. Both negative and positive.

You may think that you choose everything you do yourself, but as soon as you experienced a different emotional life, you would immediately think and act differently. Within a blink!

That's why I always say: if we were in someone else's shoes, we would do the exact same what we blamed them for. People who think "even if they felt what that person experiences, they would still force themselves not to think or act that way" underestimate how strong (and compulsive) emotional urges work. You may think so now you don't actually feel it, but just wait until you actually experience what that person is feeling!

In extreme high intensity!

Positive people would immediately become negative as soon as they experienced suffering and vice versa. Lazy people would instantly become a hard worker as soon as they had a natural zest for work. Etc.

Everything you feel and do may feel like a free choice, but that doesn't mean it is.

The thought that humans have freedom of choice 'because humans are rational beings' is stupidly stupid because we humans are WAY more driven/dominated by emotions and instincts.

And even if you have rational thoughts, the idea that it's free choice 'because it concerns rational reason' is stupidly stupid. Because these rational thoughts also come to you automatically.

So factually speaking, we as human beings are actually nothing more than slaves to what we feel.

Which sounds negative, but don't forget that most people experience life as enjoyable overall, so for most people this actually isn't even a negative thing. Who cares that free choice is an illusion, if you live a happy life? As long as you are driven with positive nice feelings, you actually should be thankful to this human emotional slavedom in a way. But just remind yourself not everyone has this privilege.

The idea you can force pain away by 'thinking differently'.

As a defense, people (who believe in self-creation) standardly come up with "That they also experienced pain, but that they got over it themselves by changing it" but who doesn't say that in reality this just was because your pain was experienced in less severe/high intensity? I think the real truth is that they started feeling better naturally itself but (our ego) prefers to credit it to our own credit.

What is mainly at the root (of underestimating other people's suffering) is ignorant self-projection in my opinion. As humans, we take our own experience with pain as the norm (thinking) 'knowing what the highest form of human pain feels like' but who doesn't say that the highest form of pain you endured wasn't even a pittance of the pain (of those who badly suffer) endured?

Reminds me of Linda de Mol who stated (after the huge 'me too' scandal of her naugthy misbehaving husband forcing her to distance herself from him) 'she had never experienced such heartbreak before' and 'that the thick skin she had for decades, there is nothing left of it' referring to the massive criticism she got.

I found this interesting, because what this proves is that (the fact that her entire life she always was capable of moving on from pain or not caring about opinions) was not so much due to 'choosing this/by your own positive attitude' at all, but simply because the pain she experienced before simply wasn't nearly as intense/extreme as the intense pain she was experiencing now.

This proves I'm right that humans cannot control/change it once the intensity becomes unbearable.

I'm convinced the real truth is, that people (who think so easily of other people's suffering...) just simply never experienced that high intensity of pain themselves. I garantuee you: they wouldn't even be able of controlling/changing it themselves if they experienced way intenser suffering/agony.

Emotions and tendencies do control us. You can't force it. You either feel it or you don't.

I know this for a fact having dealt with unbearable suffering literally all my life, even longing to just be dead already! I couldn't help feeling miserable, it controlled me. That's the whole reason why I started using heroin (as a way too young teenager) because I didn't want to live anymore with always having to endure this pain! I also (over and over again) dealt with massive painful heartbreaks from men.

So even when you do try your best, still nothing seems to change. It are literally compulsions. And the same includes for positive feelings. Whenever I started to feel better/euphoric, it came naturally as well.

People pretend as if it's life-knowledge (when preaching 'self-creation') but it actually rather reflects they lack wiser insight how strong automatic urges (and character traits) control us humans.

When it comes to unequal opportunities and privileges, the focus is almost exclusively on factors such as origin, gender, sexual orientation, poverty, physical diseases (etc) but we have no idea how much internal (mental, emotional and characteristic) also influence our opportunities in life.

So if there is one privilege that is most underestimated (and should get more awareness) it is inequal chances due to inner character traits and our emotional/mental being.

Apparently we are not that "awakened" at all, otherwise we would also be much more aware of this.

When you state 'there's little influence on your destiny' people experience it as "annoying and negative self-proclaimed victimship" but it's not meant as complaining, it's just factually establishing the truth. That's my intention: to create awareness that preaching makeability is far too short-sighted and simply untrue.

Why do we want to pretend so bad that life is makeable and don't we just recognize that a lot depends on luck? Because it's 'negative'? It's just that our lives are determined by factors for which there is no choice. So you can experience it as 'negative' but it still remains the accurate truth anyway.

The idea 'that you can create everything yourself' is a much nicer, more positive, hopeful, inspiring (and motivating) idea, which makes us prefer to believe (and propagate) that.

Well, if that motivates you (and if it "works") for you, then I would say: believe in it! Even if it's just for the sake of your own peace, even then it served a good purpose. (In fact, I also visualize having luck myself.)

It's a much more positive attitude to life (and gives you hope) but that doesn't neccesarily mean it's true.

And even if it becomes true, who doesn't say this wouldn't have happened/wasn't your destiny anyway? You always see this in speeches as well, celebs claiming 'they visualized it' (so The Law of Attraction must work) but who doesn't say you wouldn't have won anyway? There's also selective perception, because all cases (of people who visualized beautiful things, which did not come true) are easily forgotten.

It is also the case that people (who live a happy life or have succes) do not like to hear 'that they have this out of pure luck' people prefer the idea 'that they have all of this due to their own attitude or hard work'. Then they can better justify their success/wealth/happiness to others.

I think it's mostly ignorance though. People are brought up with the cliché 'that life is makeable' and so people become indoctrinated by it and everyone starts parroting each other without critical reflections.